


The Smartest Men in Gotham

by AvenuePotter



Category: Gotham (TV)
Genre: Bermuda Triangle, Black Plague, Gen, Ghost Hunting, Gordian Knot, Humor, Inverness, Jack the Ripper - Freeform, Loch Ness Monster, Mathematics, Nessie - Freeform, Pi, Puzzles, Scotland, Siberia, The Black Death, The Black Plague, The Kraken - Freeform, The golden ratio, Tunguska, kraken - Freeform, yersinia pestis
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-09
Updated: 2020-03-25
Packaged: 2021-02-28 04:07:09
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 2,138
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22627570
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AvenuePotter/pseuds/AvenuePotter
Summary: Follow the adventures of the four smartest men in Gotham: Ed Nygma, Jeremiah Valeska, Lucius Fox, & Oswald Cobblepot as they work to solve history's greatest mysteries/puzzles/problems. And don't forget to have fun! ;-)
Comments: 4
Kudos: 12





	1. The Gordian Knot

**Author's Note:**

> Information on the Gordian Knot: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gordian_Knot

THE GORDIAN KNOT

Lucius reverse engineers how it was tied in the first place in order to figure out how to unravel it.

Oswald asks his friend Ed for help.

Ed takes many precise measurements of each visible piece of rope on the outside of the knot, researches possible equations that could model the knot, and finishes up planning how to proceed by doing some final calculations with a notepad and a calculator before he methodically and meticulously unravels it. Oswald is ecstatic that they figured it out together.

Jeremiah gleefully spray-paints colorful blue, pink and yellow dots all over the knot before placing an explosive underneath it and blowing it up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Stay tuned! For our next puzzle, the guys will find the Lost City of Atlantis. Think Oswald was a bit of a slouch this time? Just you WAIT. :-)


	2. The Lost City of Atlantis

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Information on Atlantis can be found here: https://www.history.com/topics/folklore/atlantis

FINDING ATLANTIS

Ed pores through obscure and arcane historical references to pinpoint its most likely location. And he’s correct. Of course.

Lucius designs a state-of-the-art underwater geo-location system and wins the Nobel prize for it. It’s only after all the fanfare in Sweden that he realizes that he’d also discovered the Lost City of Atlantis while it was in development.

Jeremiah goes looking for the Lost City of Atlantis and winds up on the island of Crete, gets 'lost' in the Labyrinth of the Minotaur, and doesn’t want to leave because it feels too much like home. He decides to abandon his original quest.

Oswald becomes Mayor of Gotham, promising to find the ancient city of Atlantis as part of his election platform. He then proceeds to drain Gotham’s coffers to fund his own navy to explore the Mediterranean. And low and behold, he does find the lost city of Atlantis! But with Gotham City now bankrupt, Oswald must levy an exorbitant amount of taxes on it's citizens. Even so, he still gets re-elected as mayor because, hey, he found Atlantis. He’s a politician who can keep his promises!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OMG Next time, our guys calculate the digits of Pi. So exciting - Mathematics, oh my! It's absolutely nail biting (or pencil chewing, whatever). :P


	3. Calculating the Digits of Pi

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Information on various ways of calculating Pi (and why we do it) can be found here: https://www.mathscareers.org.uk/article/calculating-pi/

THE DIGITS OF PI - HOW FAR DO THEY GO?

Lucius is pretty sure he finished calculating them long ago – his answer is stored in a huge server farm below the Bat Cave, never to be found lest Bruce’s secret identity get out.

Jeremiah had created a predictive algorithm for calculating the digits of pi as an elementary school science project, but it was lost when his bunker blew up. So the world will never know . . .

Ed doesn’t think calculating the digits of Pi is worthy of his time – it’s too banal. He calculates the digits of Phi instead (the Golden Ratio).

Oswald “Let them eat Pi!” Cobblepot doesn’t bother to calculate the digits of Pi either. Because seriously, what’s the point? It’s completely irrational. He’s got a crime syndicate to run.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's a little info on Phi, in case you were wondering what Ed was up to: https://www.popularmechanics.com/science/math/a20661765/golden-ratio-explained/
> 
> Stay tuned! Next time, the guys will cure the Black Plague. Yesssssssssssss!


	4. The Black Plague

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter tackles a little Historical Disease - YES! - just for me. I'm not just the Queen of Tragedy, you know. All you have to do is ask my husband: Rats, Lice, and Pestilence paved the way to my heart. I couldn't resist having the guys look into this one.

THE BLACK PLAGUE

Lucius creates a vaccine for the plague even though he’s not a virologist. But it works anyway because he’s an intellectual badass. The black plague was caused by a bacterium, I know, just hang tight, I'm going somewhere with this . . . Remember he discovered/isolated the Tetch virus, formulated a vaccine for it, and somehow made enough doses for all of Gotham within a week even though the city was in a state of crisis? (reminding people all the while that he wasn't a virologist) Yeah, he's got this one. Yersinia Pestis? Piece of cake. (although I strongly suspect he's not a bacteriologist either)

Ed enlists the help of Lee Thompkins (because she’s a medical doctor - not because, well, never mind) to find a cure for the plague even though it’s very awkward and uncomfortable working with her because of all the stabby-stabby that went down that fateful day in The Narrows. But they do end up succeeding. Unfortunately, their results are almost immediately forgotten due to lack of funding.

Jeremiah invents a time machine, steals Lucius’ vaccine, gives it to himself, goes back in time, locates the most rat-infested city in the medieval world and jumps into a pile of plague. After getting thoroughly bitten – by the rats and their fleas - he returns to our time to make sure the vaccine has been effective on him. And it has! Next, he tests the vaccine on some of his followers, utilizing the fleas that had made the journey back with him. Even his control group lives! It's a bit unconventional, but yes, he had set it up so that they were all infected and his control group only received the vaccine AFTER infection. But this reveals that Lucius' vaccine is also a cure! (Intellectual badass indeed). Jeremiah now pumps his body full of it, goes back in time, and jumps into piles of rats with glee in the most plague-infected cities of the past, spreading Lucius’ prevention and cure through the bites of their fleas, effectively stopping it in its tracks.

Oswald astutely 'picks the right horse' and rejecting Ed and Lee's grant proposal with glee, he instead finances Jeremiah, taking all the credit for his near-miraculous feat. However, now there are city-wide issues he has to deal with due to the sudden surge in population and he confiscates Jeremiah's time machine to prevent further mishaps. And he remains popular with the citizens of Gotham due to his ability to yet once again 'get things done.' His re-election is assured.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next time our guys will tackle that age-old mystery . . . Who exactly was Jack the Ripper?


	5. Jack the Ripper

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You can find information on Jack the Ripper here: https://www.history.com/topics/british-history/jack-the-ripper

WHO WAS JACK THE RIPPER?

Lucius disguises himself in a high-tech invisibility suit that he had originally made for Bruce and borrows Jeremiah’s time machine from the City of Gotham (through the Mayor’s office) to go back to Victorian London. He prowls the murder sites of Jack the Ripper until he figures out who committed them. Then he returns to our time, unseen.

Ed pores over the old forensic files with a fine-toothed comb, finding things that the original investigators missed, paying special attention to the cut marks, wounds, angles of penetration, etc. on the bodies. He _personally_ works out how they might have been made with corpses awaiting autopsy at the GCPD, getting into the head of the killer until he figures out which suspect did it.

Oswald puts out feelers within his vast network of contacts in the Gotham underworld, seeking out those who may have had ties to London over a century ago. He tortures a few of them that do until he gets to one to confesses that Jack the Ripper was actually an ancestor of theirs. It’s a shameful family secret. Good. Now Oswald has some excellent fodder for blackmail. He lets the man go. For now.

Jeremiah actually knows that Jack the Ripper was his great great great great grandfather. So what? It’s no big deal.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What will the guys solve next? Could it be cryptozootic? . . . The Kraken or the Loch Ness Monster? Or perhaps another geometrical mystery? Tune in to find out!


	6. The Bermuda Triangle

THE BERMUDA TRIANGLE

Jeremiah drew a lot of those when he was locked up in Arkham in art therapy class – and he made them all disappear, too.

Lucius develops a craft that will navigate it safely every time.

Ed drafts a riddle for every known craft lost there and uses his Riddle Factory audience’s incorrect answers to locate every single one because _he’s_ the intellectual badass when it comes to convoluted logic.

Oswald is just lost.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next time . . . The Kraken destroys Gotham City. Oh no! What will our guys do? 
> 
> Thought I'd forget about that, didn't you? :-)


	7. The Kraken

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's some fun and crazy "info" on the Kraken: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rwoV1AM1l2Y

DEFEATING THE KRAKEN

Oswald watches his city be destroyed by the Kraken with his very own eyes. It is worse than any destruction Jeremiah has wreaked so far. He addresses Gotham City, vowing that he and his formidable navy will take down the Kraken. Secretly, he enlists the help of his friend Ed.

Jeremiah resents the implication that he’s not creative enough in his destructive efforts and begins work on a novel way to wipe out Gotham City.

Ed studies all known records - both fictional and otherwise - for each known encounter with the Kraken and realizes that he needs to enlist Lucius Fox if he’s to help Oswald’s navy defeat the Kraken.

Lucius designs scuba gear and weapons that the Kraken is unable to sense for the stealthy operation he's about to embark upon with Ed. The two ask Oswald to put out some “bait” to entice the sea monster - a tall ship full of cosplayers dressed up like pirates from the Caribbean who are so drunk on rum they don’t realize that they could be sacrificed at any minute. Instead they are brandishing broadswords on deck and pissing into the wind. Ed and Lucius are lying in wait underneath the ship when, as predicted, the Kraken can’t resist attacking a foe from “the days of yore." The two work together to temporarily paralyze each of the Kraken’s huge arms one by one with their carefully constructed weapons. As it falls from the ship, helpless, Edward places their final, most specialized weapon into its maw as Lucius carefully pries and holds it open for him. It’s a special toxin that must be mixed at the very last minute by a skilled underwater chemist (Ed!!!). Finally, the Kraken is defeated and Oswald survives yet another election season.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What in the world happened in Siberia in 1908? Stay tuned next time as our guys look into the Tunguska Event!


	8. The Tunguska Event

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's some information on the mystery surrounding what went down in Siberia that fateful day in 1908: https://www.forbes.com/sites/davidbressan/2019/06/29/for-more-than-111-years-scientist-puzzled-over-the-tunguska-event/#7e86614073fa & https://www.space.com/5573-huge-tunguska-explosion-remains-mysterious-100-years.html

PODKAMENNAYA TUNGUSKA RIVER

Ed goes to the 100 + year old site of the explosion and takes a ton of measurements, collects soil samples, etc and returns to Gotham to study everything in his laboratory. He rules out all SANE theories.

Oswald's decides to blackmail that descendant of Jack the Ripper that he's recently uncovered because he claims to know something about the Tunguska Event but won't spill. However . . . it turns out he's really an alien and blackmail is useless. Oswald throws a temper tantrum before hiring Lucius to help him out.  


Lucius creates a truth serum that works even on aliens because his intellectual prowess is out of this world! Unfortunately, it turns out the guy was lying and knows Jack shit.

Jeremiah determines that it was Nikola Tesla's death ray that caused the explosion in Siberia and he rebuilds it so he can prove to Oswald that he is the master of creative destruction. While Ed, Oswald, and Lucius are vacationing together in Scotland (just roll with it), Jeremiah levels Gotham City yet once again. This time it's flat. Death ray flat. Just the way he likes it. . .

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh no! What will our guys do now? There's no Gotham to come home to. 
> 
> Perhaps they'll become the smartest men in Scotland instead. . .


	9. The Loch Ness Monster

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Information on The Loch Ness Monster can be found here: https://www.britannica.com/topic/Loch-Ness-monster-legendary-creature

IS THE LOCH NESS MONSTER REAL?

The guys have started over in Scotland.

Lucius establishes a business in Inverness, loosely based on a “ghost harassing” model, where he takes tourists out onto Loch Ness and smoothly debunks all current theories that would support Nessie being real. Following that, he takes them to the Inverness Highlands . . . Used to the more “polite” ghost hunters from the United Kingdom who come to interact with them, the ghosts there refuse to manifest for the “rude American” who doesn’t even believe in their existence. Still, Lucius makes quite a bit of money from fellow skeptics who like to be proven right. Oswald thinks that Lucius’ business model is all shades of wrong, so he sets up his own business to do it correctly. He strongly believes that tourists want to be wowed, so on his tours, they get fabulous displays of The Loch Ness monster . . . even if they aren’t real.

Turns out that Jeremiah’s the one to prove that Nessie – or rather, nessies – are quite real. He poisons Loch Ness in order to demonstrate this and all the poor creatures float to the top, dead. Oswald, completely horrified by this, joins the UN and assembles an emergency Wildlife Protection and _Enforcement_ Task Force. Jeremiah is taken into custody by Interpol and fined severely. And somehow the money makes it into Oswald’s pockets. Now he’s richer than ever.

Ed, also horrified by what Jeremiah has done, repopulates the loch with nessies through genetic engineering using material he's retrieved from the corpses that had floated to the surface. Before that, he had removed the toxic chemical from the loch using an extensive and convoluted chelation and ultrapurification process. His setup is so novel that he receives a patent for the process and a Nobel Prize for restoring a beloved cultural icon.

Oswald helps fund Edward so that he can appear magnanimous (and so that people don’t look too closely at where the money from Jeremiah’s arrest might have gone). Then he easily gets elected Provost of Inverness and moves up the political ranks within Scotland and the UK. He shares some of the money he had taken (stolen) with Edward as a thank you for his service to Inverness (and so that he can provide a money trail to make it look like it had gone to a rightful cause – Edward’s ‘continued research’ – in case he gets caught).

In the end . . .

NESSIE IS REAL

. . . And . . .

Ed & Oswald live happy, healthy, wealthy and wise forever after.

Ed & Lucius each have earned Nobel Prizes. Now they're matchies!

Lucius finds a new and very satisfying career recombining various nessie genes that Edward had discovered to create all new species to populate Scotland’s many lochs. The Queen knights him for his service to the realm.

Jeremiah is a prisoner of Interpol, never to be seen again. Or is he?

I think they might have let him loose in a maze somewhere . . . Off the coast of Greece perhaps?

THE END

_Or is it . . ?_


End file.
